what and how much do we lose by excluding pornography and intimacy from the conversation? why is porn writing so different than film? sure, you could say that the writing or the plot is bad, then why do people watch it? why is it popular? i feel like i've seen criticism of how pornography is very over the top, how easy it is to sell a fantasy with automation in OnlyFans. Does that dynamic push us to cover up what is apart of us? Is there something wrong with being aroused? If not, why is it so taboo to talk about it? If everyone is so different, if everyone has different tastes, why does it need to be so underground? By doing so, do we not push those with desires that they don't understand to places that we approve even less of? If almost everyone experiences sexual attraction, why does it do so much harm to talk about it? Are we then not making assumptions on others, assuming that they fit into a certain archetype while we are upset that they are doing the same to us?

I used to have a somewhat negative view of onlyfans creators as I felt that while they were capitalizing on the desires of a patriarchal society, they were also perpetuating it. Sure, I support hustle culture, do what you have to do, but that was always something that bothered me. After today, I was thinking about it more— people say that they don't respect sex work because "they have no better skills so they need to rely on their body" but one could apply that argument to service work, physical labor, things that can be automated... but in the same way when going to a cafe or restaurant we would rather interact with people, we would rather masturbate to real people, even if they are serving us a fantasy. To pleasure, to arouse, it's a skill, and there's plenty of complaints in general society when someone isn't good at it. Guys that can't make girls cum, wives that don't want to have sex— for every age, every level of relationship, there is some dissatisfaction that feels generally shared. The thing is, the opposite is true too, when someone is too good, it can create a different feeling, if someone "sleeps around" and then we get into the stereotype of when someone is impure for being with too many people. These two things seem at odds but exist within the same dichotomy. Why is it shameful when someone is good at turning someone on but not when someone is good at making people feel welcomed? Today, we harp on the necessity of "soft" skills (hardy har har) but overlook or downplay those with the ability to touch us somewhere deeper (or have ourselves do it). By stigmatizing this kind of conversation, it feels like we are losing conversation on parts of the human experience that are universal. When talking about something feels taboo, it's challenging to have healthy discourse which then causes other issues. See, the loneliness epidemic and articles like:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/20/style/modern-love-men-where-have-you-gone-please-come-back.html https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/15/style/modern-love-where-have-men-gone-were-right-here.html https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/06/opinion/men-women-apps-bad-romance.html